Flowing

I'm thinking pink is a good trend.  I'm feeling a bit better, even in the midst of life's craziness.

I kind of quit my job this week.  And then took it back via negotiating a more favorable schedule.  Let me explain.

I'm a single mom.  I have been for about 12 years now.  The father of my kids isn't around, so I do it all, like many parents, single or not.  Doctor appointments, teacher meetings, sick days . . .

And I sometimes, perhaps often, need to adjust my work schedule to accommodate my family.  I still get the work done, get in my hours, but in a varying time frame.  My boss finally said no.

And so I gave him 30 days notice.  I told him I respect his needs as an employer, but I have to take care of my kids. I went on with my workday, and then drove home.

In the silence of the commute, I began to suspect I'd been hasty, and maybe shot myself in the foot.  I do still need to pay rent, and I may or may not get another suitable position some time soon.  I'm not usually so impulsive, but honestly, I've been trying to quit this job practically since I started.

It's a good job for a difficult boss and a chaotic workplace.  I like the potential, but I sometimes doubt my ability to tolerate what it'll take to get there.

So I emailed my boss, and asked if he'd consider a four day work week for me.  Four ten hour shifts, allowing me one day a week for appointments and personal needs.

The good news is that he's thinking it over.  The bad news is that he's thinking it over.  That he didn't accept as hastily as I gave notice.  Ah well, it is poetic, and it may be just.

But I don't feel panicked.  I will continue to peruse the want ads.  And whatever will be will be.  I have lovely day dreams about what I can do with my one day when the occasional appointment isn't on the books.  I've been wanting to write a story - it's been running loose in my head for many months now.  And I long to walk, take that time to myself on a regular basis.  I don't know why I don't make it a priority now, except that it feels like I never have enough time to do everything I  want to do.

But I am a continual improvement project, and that allows me to move on, breath through the rough spots, and imagine a brighter day.  The beauty of that, is that it also allows me to be happy in the moment.  I don't fall into hopelessness.  I flow into happiness.